i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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