I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
