Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm bleeding and have questions
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
