Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
