Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize