new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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