Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
