I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize