i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
