Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
