Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
