You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
