it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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