Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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