You just made me feel so damn special
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
