It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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