i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
