Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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