there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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