i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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