Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just gargled with NyQuil
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
