Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
