90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
