I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
