cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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