you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
