he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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