So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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