somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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