Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
