you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
