I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
