Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
