can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
