Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
