Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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