She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
