Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
as a side note pls kill me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
