I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
