Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
