The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
