I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize