Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
