i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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