yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
