YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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