To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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