Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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