I want to stick my p in your. b.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
