6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My cat gives me a boner
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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