my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
