I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
