So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
