Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
