I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
