we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
