i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
