I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
