My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize