conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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