Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
