so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
