My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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