Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
