Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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