i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He shit in the fireplace
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
