Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
