if i can run in heels then i can drive
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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