I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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