I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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