We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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