Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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