awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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