I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
