What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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