Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
