I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
